'Her behavior was completely unacceptable': Bride disinvites friend from wedding after she spent $2000 on overseas bachelorette trip

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Mar 1, 2025 3:00 PM EST

Is it just me, or have Bachelorette parties spiraled out of control in the last couple of years? They used to be just an excuse to hit the town wearing a sash that says "bride," and now you're toast if you don't fly out 25 of your closest friends to an expensive resort halfway across the world. Whatever floats your boat (especially if you're paying). But that's the thing, the bride is not usually paying for everyone. There is an expectation that each bridesmaid pays their own way on these costly trips, sometimes even chipping in extra to cover the Bride's cost. 

There is lots of discourse over whether or not this is fair, and how to approach these situations with your friends. Money is a delicate issue with anyone, especially when it's among a group of friends who might not all have the same ability or comfort level with spending. 

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    Cheezburger Image 10473443328
    via Unsplash+ (tabitha turner)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • That issue lurked in the background of this story about a bridesmaid who acted in such a way on the bachelorette trip that she lost her invite to the wedding. But commenters were torn on whether or not the bride was also to blame on some level. And many were bowled over by the thought of spending that much on a bachelorette trip. Read on for the details.

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    AITA for uninviting someone from my wedding after she just spent $2k on my bachelorette

    I had my bachelorette party last month-an international trip with 13 girls. Most live in City 1, where I grew up but no longer reside. I now live in City 2, a short flight or 6-hour drive away.
    via u/SufficientFly5044
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    One of the girls, "Rachel," was a high school friend I reconnected with two years ago after getting engaged. She recently started dating someone new-he's in City 2 (my city), and she spent the entire trip FaceTiming him. At events, the club, the beach, the
    via u/SufficientFly5044
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    yacht, while getting ready, even in the shower. Worse, she dragged other girls into her calls, even though they barely knew her, let alone him. She also FaceTimed while people were changing or while she herself was fully
    via u/SufficientFly5044
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    At one point, she got into an argument with her boyfriend and handed the phone to her roommate, Jamie-who had never met him-forcing her into the fight. Jamie, fed up, hung up and later asked to switch rooms.
    via u/SufficientFly5044
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    When she wasn't FaceTiming, she was talking about him nonstop. At dinner, she kept blurting out, "I'm moving to City 2, we're gonna be neighbors!" But when I asked about her kids, she vaguely said she'd fly or drive home every weekend. This is a mom of 2, with 2 different dads, moving for a boyfriend of 1 month.
    via u/SufficientFly5044
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    One night, during a private chef dinner, the power went out, and Rachel's phone di d. Everyone withheld their portable chargers. She then booked a hotel on someone else's phone, packed her bags, and left to charge her phone. Mandy, being too nice, walked with her. On the way, Rachel suddenly desperately needed to call her kids-which was hilarious since she hadn't mentioned them once.
    via u/SufficientFly5044
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    Unfortunately, the power came back, so Rachel did too. Later, while we were playing bachelorette games, she blurted out racial slurs during Mad Libs. I snapped, and the room went silent.
    via u/SufficientFly5044
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    We had a shared photo album for group pics, Rachel uploaded hundreds of selfies, thirst traps, FaceTime screenshots, texts about how her boyfriend was "the one," and even mirror selfies from a store where she was trying on clothes without underwear. One dress had a slit, and her hooha was showing.
    via u/SufficientFly5044
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    My fiancé was getting updates from some of the girls. He even asked Jamie to talk to Rachel, and he himself sent her messages about being more self-aware and to stop FaceTiming this guy. Nothing changed.
    via u/SufficientFly5044
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    After the trip, I sent Rachel a message thanking her for coming but making it clear her behavior was completely unacceptable. I also told her she was no longer invited to my wedding. She read it and never responded.
    via u/SufficientFly5044
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    Some friends think I was harsh since she spent time and money to celebrate me. To be clear, I'm not cutting her off because I didn't feel like the center of attention, LOL. This is about how deeply uncomfortable she made everyone. Since I got back, I've heard even more crazy stories that the girls kept from me because they saw how upset I was. AITA for uninviting her?
    via u/SufficientFly5044
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    くくく
    via Unsplash+ (tabitha turner)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    Commenters had a hard time getting over the cost aspect of this conflict.

    Infinite_slide_5921 . 8h ago NTA, but I have a hard time being sympathetic to someone who has an international trip with 13 people for a bachelorette. You don't have 13 close friends. If you wanted a meaningful occasion, you should have kept it intimate. Going on vacation with a big group you aren't close too is asking for this kind of trouble.
    via u/Infinite_slide_5921
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    Enamoure 5h ago Wth just because you don't have 13 close friends doesn't mean someone else doesn't? Also people see friendships differently. Not everyone likes to celebrate event the same way as you. This is so "holier than thou".
    via u/Enamoure
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    You do know extroverted people exist? Why are you judging someone on the way they want to spend their own bachelorette. This is crazy
    via u/Enamoure
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    Infinite Slide_5921 5h ago People also have different definitions of "close". OP doesn't even seem to like this woman that much, and still invited her to her bachelorette, so I am really sceptical that all these women were close friends. Either way, I am just stating reality. Taking a trip with 13 people who aren't related is bound to be a mess; even with families, it's often a mess.
    via u/Infinite_Slide_5921
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    FringeAardvark • 7h ago NTA except having your friends spend $2k on a bachelorette party.
    via u/FringeAardvark
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    MissMat 3h ago Op is the a hole for that alone. Inviting or uninviting Rachel won't change op's assholishness. Rachel was also the a_h_le bc FaceTimeing someone all time is annoying & dragging a 3rd person into a couples fight is a ESH move.
    via u/MissMat
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    VolatileVanilla 2h ago Bulls it was $2K for a vacation abroad with 'T friends. That's also why OP is NTA. Rachel got her money's worth.
    via u/VolatileVanilla
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    VegetableLeopard1004 49m ago . Man, y'all really can't stand the fact that not everybody lives in poverty. Nobody put a g n to their head and forced them onto an international flight.
    via u/VegetableLeopard1004
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    wahkens 6h ago You seriously had a bachelorette where each of the 13 people paid 2k? That is insane.
    via u/wahkens
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    Enamoure 5h ago • Some people are quite extroverted though. Just because you can't imagine it doesn't mean it doesn't make sense to some people? Also different cultures? I know some people that have way more friends. Friendships are different across the globe
    via u/Enamoure
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    Lethave • 5h ago If I were to draw up a guest list for a bachelorette, I'd have five cousins on the list before I even got to friends. What about the situation makes her sound self-centered?
    via u/Lethave
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    STO
    via Unsplash+ (tabitha turner)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    monagr • 7h ago Honestly, you should have shut it down there, not afterwards. And I would've made things clear that she needed to act differently at the wedding, instead of kicking her out She also seems to be in a really desperate mental state, and probably needs some support.
    via u/monagr
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    ktjbug • 6h ago Yta. Did it never once occur to you to say please stop doing that versus asking other people to hint around it for you?
    via u/ktjbug
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    You're about to get married. Start figuring out uncomfortable but direct communication before diving in on marital, in law, competing demands etc. This is so small scale.
    via u/ktjbug
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    jerrynmyrtle ⚫ 6h ago YTA for thinking you're special and important enough to have 13 girls spend 2k EACH on your bachelorette. Unless y'all are millionaires, that's way too big an ask for a friend. It would be a friendship ending request for me.
    via u/jerrynmyrtle
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    MurnSwag2 • 5h ago I think it's way over the top, too, but she can ask whatever she wants. It's up to her friends to say, "That's too much to pay for a bachelorette. If you want to go to local bars, I'm all in. Otherwise, sorry." I personally think ALL the 'destination' bachelor/bachelorette parties are ridiculous, never mind one abroad. Weddings are too f-ing expensive as it is.
    via u/MurnSwag2
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    Fleeting Daisies91 4h ago YTA. You had full capability to have discussed your feelings with her during the trip. Instead it seems like you were doing a mix of pouting and gossiping, insinuating she's a bad mother and letting girls who she didn't know and your FIANCÉ talk to her before you would. So to pull the rug from under her after the trip is
    via u/FleetingDaisies91
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    messy & harsh. It doesn't sound like you're capable of handling conflict or having tough conversations and I hope that doesn't carry over into your marriage. It's either that or petty responses that still deteriorate it. Rachel sounds like a nightmare but I'm going to give her empathy. A new relationship can cause a lot of
    via u/FleetingDaisies91
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    attention seeking behavior, subconsciously. And it sounds like she was the odd one out of the group of girls, and you failed to protect her or rein her in. I'm sure some of that behavior stemmed from being the least connected woman there and was a response to wanting to fit in and be "one of the girls" essentially.
    via u/FleetingDaisies91
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    I understand the trip was about you and for you but Being that you are who reconnected with her and extended such a huge invitation, that was your job. Instead this just reads like a mean girl gang up on her.
    via u/FleetingDaisies91
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    Linda Tonta00 • 8h ago NTA — girl, this is insanity I would have made her cut that sh out from day 1. I hope your wedding is incredible and that you find your peace and don't look back!
    via u/LindaTonta00

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